Onstage With The Lady-boys

From the many dispatches I sent back to my good friend Jo on my first Round The World In Drag Tour in 2001, - Pattaya and Bangkok here,- Bangkok Dear Jo, Still in Bangkok, and more developments. I ended up – no, wait, it’s best if I lead you up to it. Anyway, we’ve been doing all sorts since I last wrote (the go-go-boy incident, remember?). We took a trip out to the sea-side, Pattaya, to the Alcazar. It’s famous, well, at least to us drag-addicts. It’s the place where they have the lady-boy show to end all shows. They have their own theatre, and do loads of performances. It’s like Funny Girls in Blackpool but in another world altogether, so big and special. We took the coach to Pattaya, it’s about two hours from Bangkok with all that terrible traffic, and that bit wasn’t much fun, the air-con in the bus wasn’t working and Roger had the runs when we arrived at the Pattaya bus station – most embarrassing, he will insist on taking those malaria pills! – and when I saw the beach I wondered why we hadn’t decided to spend more time here, but it’s all a bit cheesy and sleazy actually, and we’d come for the show. And it was fabulous. Costumes to die for, on a huge stage with computer lighting and a revolving bit, and boy-waiters in blue waistcoats and pink shirts bringing you drinks. There were so many outfits I couldn’t even remember them all but there was a geisha with huge fans and loads of Kodo drums, the whole of the Thai court with dancers wearing flowers and high hair, “Diamonds Are Forever” with veils, and nearly at the climax, a big science fiction scene where the stage takes off and everybody are cybertroopers except for the main girls who get to wear even more sequins and feathers than before. There’s a few novelty numbers, like the girl who’s boy on one half and girl on the other and sings as a duet with herself, and it all ends with “When Will I See You Again?” in a mass of red feathers, and Pocahontas and costumes out of the “Wizard of Oz” crossed with “Cats” and “Star Wars” Fabulous stuff. And of course the girls are beautiful to the n’th, everything that you hear lady-boys are, and dripping with style and expensive dresses. To die for. Actually that wasn’t the main reason I was E-ing you, Jo. It was to tell you about my next night out at the “DJ Station” when I…..oh, no, girl, I’m not letting you off the hook. Anyway. I went down there again a few nights later. I wore my new sarong skirt from Cambodia, with red elephants. Otherwise it was the regular glam. Maybe it was the sarong but I didn’t get as many smiles and jokes as I went along through Silom this time. Again the disco isn’t so busy before midnight, but when the show comes on they are all crowded round the stage and balconies as usual. This time I watched from the balcony. It was different from the other night – “Someone Left The Cake Out In The Rain”, “Relight my Fire”, and the big one from “Titanic” with the stage rising up to lift the singer, and Roly Poly and Kid Sister did a funny duet. While it was all going on something got into me and I went down to watch from the stairs, then I pushed through to near the stage. Yes, Jo, you know what’s coming now. It got to the talk-down at the end and I’ve been spotted! I get the invitation to go up on stage, one of the girls offers me a hand up, and, yes, I’m onstage, Mandy Onstage with The Lady-Boys! Well, sister, it’s quite a moment – everybody looking on, me with my drink still in my hand, one of the girls with afro-hair being MC, another cute one, Roly-Poly, Kid-Sister - and I get a round of applause. I did my best to show off to the admiring crowd but, let’s be honest, Jo, I wasn’t up there for my undoubted glamour but for my entertainment value, and, by Christ, they got their money’s worth! What’s my name? Where do I come from? What a nice sarong. Umm, Cambodia! And before I know it Afro has her hand through my sarong to the front and I have to oblige by wanking it a bit for the crowd. Roly-Poly’s in her element, of course – a bit of shadow-boxing on my tits, at which I wag my finger – I’m not taking my eyes off her, even though I should be playing to the crowd. And, you know, the stupid thing is I couldn’t get a moment to get the camera out of my bag so the world has been robbed of a picture of Mandy’s moment of Lady-Boy fame. They pull off Roly’s wig and eye-lashes and offer them to me. No thanks, I have already. Roly gives me a big hug for coming from London, then gives a big sneer to the crowd. They know their comedy store talents, these girls. And then it’s over and I get a another big round of applause before I’m lowered into the crowd. And the disco starts. Well, what did I expect? It was really fun actually, and people came up to me afterwards and talked to me about it. In the end Lady-Men and Lady-Boys don’t quite mix, but I gave you that hint in my last E. Lesson learned, sister. However that wasn’t the end of it – the best is yet to come. I got up onstage with the dancing crowd and for a while it was all very ravey. I gave it my best, especially with boys on stools behind me, stripped down to the torsos and getting major reactions from the boys below. Then I took a walk, up stairs, and got adopted by an English “sister” and a Thai “brother “ and people are talking to me, and then…..this brilliant boy comes up to me with the best smile, and says he’s seen me twice in the “DJ Station” now and says that thing that goes like “You do what you want in your way and you don’t care what anybody thinks, and I like and respect that – I’m like that too”, which I’ve had from gay-boys the world over, and it’s always nice to have, and it was particularly nice on this night, because he was so brilliant. He buzzed about a bit, went off to get a free drink (he apparently knew someone who worked there), chatted to a few friends, but he kept coming back. And then a funny thing happens – it’s only one o’clock but the “DJ Station” starts to empty, closing early. Why, we don’t know. We stand there and watch people streaming out onto the Soi. We wait and I know something’s going to happen. What happens is an American called Michael stops by us. He says he’s from Washington, anyway he’s quite creepy, and although we talk about travelling I know he’s after my boy or at least a three-some, which makes me feel queasy and I hang on to the boy. Go away! I get Michael to take a picture of us, and so the world at least has a picture of me and my boy doing tongues. Eventually Michael gives up, saying to my boy, “She’s beautiful! She’s in safe hands”. And when he goes, I am. Bye, Michael. Hello, Rinri. And my boy escorts me out onto the Soi, leaving his drink behind. We wander through the streets, holding each other. He stops off to eat at a street café, while I sit and look lovely by him. Now I know he’s being really brave and generous because we both know that a Lady-man is a cause of smiles in Bangkok-Silom and he’s got one on his arm, - he wants me to be as respected as possible. So he respects me himself with all the brilliance he has, and after he’s eaten we go back to the hotel. You want any more, Jo? You must be kidding – it’s between me and my maker, but I’ll tell you one thing, girl, - that boy could go!!!!!!!!!!!! So it was all happy ending time after all for Mandy-girl and the Lady-boys. Is this all too much, or do you want more? If you do I’ll tell you about what happened in Cambodia in my next. Keep sending the news. Love Mandy