Working The Trap

debut A while back it seemed easy, - in a difficult kind of way, admittedly. I, - we, - got ready, went out, set off, arrived, entered, joined the throng for the first time, took the looks and questions in our stride, and eventually stepped through a curtain or up some stairs and arrived onstage – then we did our thing. Life, all of it, was a performance. And we had a knowing ally in Judith Butler – she’s not an easy read but she’s on the nail. We made ourselves through doing. I wrote a poem about it – you can read it in here. Then, of course, the deniers, the retrogrades, said, Well, if gender is just about choosing clothes and style and make-up, then it’s a – get this! – a commodity, and not real at all. General dismay! Who were they to say we’re not real? like it was all just a big excuse for dressing up! An elaborate ruse! It was all a big defensive manoeuvre but Judith stepped up to defend herself and us. We make ourselves by doing, she said, yes, but the gender-world is a trap and what we actually do is persist in being ourselves – however we are - until the world changes to accept us. And, I myself would add, in the meantime we look as good as we can. So I step out, arrive, step up, begin – and I do it all again, and again, and again. A life-time of debuts maybe. It’s not “Groundhog Day”, but also it is, because if it’s a trap and even if in the end everybody doesn’t love us, in the end we have come to love ourselves.